One of the main objections I hear to the label "TCK" is, as I mentioned in a previous post, the negative connotations it carries for many.
As if, to acknowledge the issues we have is to be defined by them.
And I must admit -- there was a time in my life when I was indeed defined by my "issues." I finally had an explanation for why life was "so hard" (other than that I was a teenager) and I latched onto it with all my might. But there also came a time in my life when I was tired of being defined by my "issues." When I decided to move on. To deal with life, to move forward, to decide who I was going to be instead of letting circumstances decide for me. And, honestly ... I think that process has to happen no matter who you are.
No matter who you are, no matter where you are raised, no matter what you have experienced in life: you will have issues. Congratulations, welcome to Humanity.
TCKs are much like any other group of people in that some have Bigger Issues, some have Smaller Issues, some have Almost No Issues, and some have So Very Many Issues. The simple fact of being a TCK does not dictate all of the baggage we carry, only some of it. And that "Some" is what I want to lay out.
What does "being a TCK" indicate as far as the baggage that we carry?
1. We have different baggage than most Mono-Cultural People.
While most people who have grown up in one culture have similar baggage, ours often looks very different. Normal teenage angst, fighting with parents for independence, peer pressure, highschool drama -- many of these we either cannot relate to, or relate to differently.
Our independence comes when we move across the ocean from our parents in order to go to university, possibly. Our peer pressure is to be the perfect Missionary Kid or Army Kid, not to drink or do drugs. Our highschool drama is of friends we have left behind who no longer care to communicate with us, or loved ones who have moved on with their lives without us. We often have a very hard time relating to "normal" issues.
The danger here becomes that we can tend to see our baggage as "more." ... More interesting, more difficult, more valid. But it isn't. It is just different. And until we can accept that, we will continue to push away people who could care for us, because we refuse to allow their baggage to be just as valid as ours --- just different.
2. We have unexpected baggage.
This aspect is slowly beginning to change with the advent of more studies being done on TCKs, but historically, we were not expected to have issues. And which ones we had took people off guard.
A child whose parent has died or left is expected to have abandonment issues -- but what of the TCK whose parent had to travel constantly for work or ministry? (They can have abadonment issues too!)
A child who was abused physically or emotionally is expected to have trauma, but what of the TCK who witnessed or lived in fear of acts of brutality in their host country? (They can have trauma too! Even if "nothing actually happened to them.")
A military vet is expected to have PTSD, but what of the TCK who was constantly exposed to horrific wounds in a violent culture or were part of relief efforts from a disaster or had to evacuate from a country? (They can have PTSD too!)
Often TCKs do not get the help they need with the issues they may have, because they are simply not expected to have them. So, when they start having panic attacks or difficulty attaching or settling -- they have no idea why, and they cannot work through what they need to. Until we begin to accept and discover the things we might be dealing with, we cannot move forward through them -- there will be little healing until we know the wounds we have.
3. Our baggage is well-packed.
Related to the previous point: in addition to being unexpected, our baggage is often unacknowledged. Even if we know that we are dealing with greif or anger or trauma, sometimes (often?) TCKs are not allowed to acknowledge and deal with those feelings.
The reason for this is that much of the time, the life situations that lead to a TCK growing up outside their passport country also result in a high-profile life, one with very high standards, or one in which "the cause" negates any issues that might arise.
For example, the son of an international businessman might be expected to always be presentable to high-profile associates... we can't have any teenage angst or rebellion in this household becuase of how that might appear.
A missionary kid might be expected to be so much "a part of the ministry" that they can never get in trouble or be dealing with issues that interfere with their parents' work.
A military kid might be told (either verbally or subconciously) that since their lifestyle is "for the sake of the country," they can't really be sad about it: it is a priviledge! Or a necessary sacrifice! Or some other reason that they shouldn't be greiving or be angry.
Becuase of these types of things, TCKs often do not receive the help they need, or do not even know what help they need. We do not generally have MORE baggage than the average mono-cultural person --- just different, unexpected, and well-packed. And if we know these things about ourselves, we are better equipped to acknowledge, work through, and move forward from our "issues" ... and we are better able to acknowledge and respect the "issues" of those around us, even when they are different and difficult for us to relate to.